i love documenting my life on random pieces of paper on my desk

i called my mom today, not just because well, she is my mom and i do love her. and not only to get some business figured out with something but...to wish her a happy holiday. happy 420 i say to big anne. and then she's all confused and i tell her it's marijuana day. and she says "what kind of marijuana? i mean, what happened with marijuana on 4/20?" then i explain it's just a random pot smoking day, no real reason..(i think?)..and she says "oh ok. gosh, never heard of that. must have been after my time."

waterwaterwater

80/35, summerfest, minneapolis, pennsylvania. those are the 4 things that will definitely assist in depleting my bank account this summer. dang.
i just ate too much food. boo for feeling like a major fatty.
i love my dress!

indifference?

money is really stupid. and yet it can take me so many places.. i have a feeling i will be spending a buttload of money this week for the mission creek fest but..tis all worth it in the end. so stoked. beyond you're wildest imagination. only if your imaginings can get pretty wild..

ooOOo

i feel like all i've accomplished today is reading 100 pages of the brothers karamazov. such a good book, i don't regret it. it's so weird how time goes by so fast, yet when you're doing the activity it seems to go by slower you know? the faster you're going (maybe this also applies to mind and such, not just the physical movement) so the faster the mind moves, the slower time seems to pass by..but the faster time is actually passing by. because you're more in it. for instance, when you are having a really good time you savor pretty much everything because, quite frankly, you are loving life. and you feel like you're chasing time or something. maybe it's the less you're mind is at rest, the slower time feels to be going (and it is going "slow") but the more active the mind...the faster time goes, but it doesn't feel this way and what you're doing all just felt like one big moment without time actually passing by. and then you look at the clock and you're like holy crap! this has happened to me on countless occasions. i don't know if that made sense, but it did to me.

bitching.

i feel really fucking immature all of the sudden. i don't know. i'm just really frustrated. i need to not get so pissed over things that don't need to be worried over. i can hardly sit still right now, i'm going fucking nuts. what the fuuuuck. i hate overanalyzing things and having it ruin my day. the more i think about something, the sicker it makes me feel. why do i need a million things going to keep me sane? god damnit. i feel like if i turn the tv off that i'm not even paying attention to, that this will only get worse. fucking technological advances that make me use 4 devices at one time. i just want to go to bed or something but it's only 7:15 and that is not a respectable time to go to bed because i'll only wake up with nothing to do in like 8 hours. gaaaah. also. i hate skype. i hate my fucking lameass internet connection in cascade. i hate having to ask what brandon said like 50 million fucking times while i'm talking to him. fucking annoying! thank god i'm not at home. wow am i glad i am not living at home this summer...i don't think i could handle that. i don't even want to think about what i would become of. terrible...just terrible. fucking a. i need to stop cursing or something. really immature. but sometimes i can't help it you know? so i'm sorry if it's annoying. i don't even think anybody reads this so i think i'm good. i wish i lived close to bridget. i really wish my parents didn't have to lie to her about something and make her and paul extremely relieved and then bail on it. really cool, mom and dad. really cool. i feel like a baby or something, whatever. i need to control my emotions better or something, god i thought i was doing really good with that. i was, i am getting better but this just crept up on me and now it sucks a lot. the thing is i can't even begin to explain or even put into words of why i am in this particular mood. it's too much for anybody and i don't want to bore them or sound like a baby so i'll just do my best here.

breathing

i feel like i am constantly striving to appear to be independent with my parents. quite frankly...i am sick of it. very sick of it. before mike and i flew to see my sister, my mom seriously told us to not make jokes about terrorists or bombs or anything. the annoying thing is that she was actually serious. give me a freaking break! are you kidding me? i think i know that those subjects would not be a good idea to joke about. didn't we learn that like i don't know...10 years ago or something? i have a bad memory but i can remember simple things like that. i know about life lessons and whatnot. very sick of the repetition from them. constantly reminding me stuff, i know-you told me that probably twice now. it's okay. dang...i'm realizing why i am the way i am. well i mean, why i get so paranoid. they like to build stuff up a lot, especially my mom. since i realized this i started to get less paranoid but i still am because...well, i've been really freaking paranoid for awhile now. example a- i hardly slept two summers ago for fear of a murderer breaking inside of my house and killing me. so every sound my house or anything made...my heartrate would skyrocket. i tried telling my parents that i wanted to get help. oh and guess what, they wouldn't do it. i think they were too proud or something. "no kid of ours is going to a psychologist" or something. fucking stupid. i wish my parents didn't scare me with life so much. talking to other people, especially siblings and such, makes me realize that there's no point to worrying and deliberating over things too much and my parents can be really freaking stupid when it comes to that. therefore, i am sorry if i get annoyed and or snap with anybody if they ask me too many questions or deliberate over hanging out or something too long. you are just pretty much reminding me of my parents and the years of them annoying me with that.

red is the rose

don't be afraid to talk to strangers. especially if you really need a pencil!(example, now)-holy crap, i just scored a pencil!

if beirut needs another member, they can phone me anytime at 563-495-xxxx (privacy purposes). any time. i play the horn. it's french.

peeing is annoying. why is there consequences for liking water so much? unjust, i say.

life's subtlest of surprises can excite me way too much sometimes, but i think it's better to be content with the monotony than to always be wanting something, always awaiting something, almost to the point where you're hardly living at all because you're so fixated on what's next. chill.

beautiful music makes me want to cry. it makes me want to go crazy and tell and show everybody, while walking downtown with my ipod, that what i just listened to was fucking amazing god dammit!

i hope i'm weird. the weird people in this world keep me entertained and make me laugh very hard. in that case, i hope i'm really weird.

yuck-orange skin. unless...are you auditioning to be an oompa loompa?


and with that. i tip my hat to you and say...happy saint patricks day.
i have a brother, patrick. and a dad, pat. anyways, so when my brother was little and use to go to a babysitters, the other children grew very jealous of him. he had an entire day dedicated to him, and it wasn't even his birthday! and so everybody got a day for their own. true story.
i'm going to recommend the movie, once. bravo bravo!
goodnight all