breathing

i feel like i am constantly striving to appear to be independent with my parents. quite frankly...i am sick of it. very sick of it. before mike and i flew to see my sister, my mom seriously told us to not make jokes about terrorists or bombs or anything. the annoying thing is that she was actually serious. give me a freaking break! are you kidding me? i think i know that those subjects would not be a good idea to joke about. didn't we learn that like i don't know...10 years ago or something? i have a bad memory but i can remember simple things like that. i know about life lessons and whatnot. very sick of the repetition from them. constantly reminding me stuff, i know-you told me that probably twice now. it's okay. dang...i'm realizing why i am the way i am. well i mean, why i get so paranoid. they like to build stuff up a lot, especially my mom. since i realized this i started to get less paranoid but i still am because...well, i've been really freaking paranoid for awhile now. example a- i hardly slept two summers ago for fear of a murderer breaking inside of my house and killing me. so every sound my house or anything made...my heartrate would skyrocket. i tried telling my parents that i wanted to get help. oh and guess what, they wouldn't do it. i think they were too proud or something. "no kid of ours is going to a psychologist" or something. fucking stupid. i wish my parents didn't scare me with life so much. talking to other people, especially siblings and such, makes me realize that there's no point to worrying and deliberating over things too much and my parents can be really freaking stupid when it comes to that. therefore, i am sorry if i get annoyed and or snap with anybody if they ask me too many questions or deliberate over hanging out or something too long. you are just pretty much reminding me of my parents and the years of them annoying me with that.