goooooooood feelings

may 26, 2009 at 7:30 pm i officially own my own apartment. holy moly! i love this place. haley has this place decorated just perfectly and my little added touches work just nicely with it all. the windows are awesome and i cannot wait til a sunny day to really appreciate them! ah. it all feels so good and right. i probably won't want to move out of this place..damnit. i don't know much about fung-shway (sp?) BUT i definitely feel like everything is set up right. you walk in, theres the kitchen staring at you, off to the right is a booth with a window right by it. then there is the bathroom kiddy corner or whatever to that. and then this almight room contains the computer, the tv, the wonderful and most comfortable bed i have ever laid in, a chair, and another wicker chair or something. along with various other things throughout this room as well. it is SO freaking homey! gosh darnit. i am in love or something. pretty excited for my first night sleep in here..but i must go. AH!!fdsjakfl;is okay. i wish i could scream. but i told them i would be a quiet tenant. so i should be. FJSKLFsivlasfvsimvsaovs okay. done. bye!

ebay

please ebay. i really want this accordion. people need to stop bidding higher than me. okay...fingers crossed.

books and beer

no more school. so right now i am inbetween with iowa city and my hometown of cascade, ia. i wish it was saturday so i could move into ic already!dang. okay so i have had a pretty happening nightlife the past 3 nights, but during the day ive just been sleeping and reading the brothers karamazov. i guess it's okay, but i decided to not go out tonight so i actually want to do something more tomorrow.dang! i shouldn't beat myself up about all these lost braincells in such a short period of time, i guess it happens, and it sure is nice to catch up with these people. sort of takes precedent i assume. i need a bigger ipod though. either that or i hate steve for giving me so much music. damnit! i should just do a revamp of it and keep what i currently listen to, up-to-date. and then i don't have to buy a new one. so it is settled then? yes. i don't know if anybody has noticed but i really like to ask questions to myself and then answer them. i do it a lot. conor oberst never ceases to amaze me. it's nostalgic and almost makes me want to cry how i practically stopped listening to the guy for all of 2nd semester, and then he comes out with a new album. and everything comes back, and then he gets more points from me. simply amazing.

i love documenting my life on random pieces of paper on my desk

i called my mom today, not just because well, she is my mom and i do love her. and not only to get some business figured out with something but...to wish her a happy holiday. happy 420 i say to big anne. and then she's all confused and i tell her it's marijuana day. and she says "what kind of marijuana? i mean, what happened with marijuana on 4/20?" then i explain it's just a random pot smoking day, no real reason..(i think?)..and she says "oh ok. gosh, never heard of that. must have been after my time."

waterwaterwater

80/35, summerfest, minneapolis, pennsylvania. those are the 4 things that will definitely assist in depleting my bank account this summer. dang.
i just ate too much food. boo for feeling like a major fatty.
i love my dress!

indifference?

money is really stupid. and yet it can take me so many places.. i have a feeling i will be spending a buttload of money this week for the mission creek fest but..tis all worth it in the end. so stoked. beyond you're wildest imagination. only if your imaginings can get pretty wild..

ooOOo

i feel like all i've accomplished today is reading 100 pages of the brothers karamazov. such a good book, i don't regret it. it's so weird how time goes by so fast, yet when you're doing the activity it seems to go by slower you know? the faster you're going (maybe this also applies to mind and such, not just the physical movement) so the faster the mind moves, the slower time seems to pass by..but the faster time is actually passing by. because you're more in it. for instance, when you are having a really good time you savor pretty much everything because, quite frankly, you are loving life. and you feel like you're chasing time or something. maybe it's the less you're mind is at rest, the slower time feels to be going (and it is going "slow") but the more active the mind...the faster time goes, but it doesn't feel this way and what you're doing all just felt like one big moment without time actually passing by. and then you look at the clock and you're like holy crap! this has happened to me on countless occasions. i don't know if that made sense, but it did to me.

bitching.

i feel really fucking immature all of the sudden. i don't know. i'm just really frustrated. i need to not get so pissed over things that don't need to be worried over. i can hardly sit still right now, i'm going fucking nuts. what the fuuuuck. i hate overanalyzing things and having it ruin my day. the more i think about something, the sicker it makes me feel. why do i need a million things going to keep me sane? god damnit. i feel like if i turn the tv off that i'm not even paying attention to, that this will only get worse. fucking technological advances that make me use 4 devices at one time. i just want to go to bed or something but it's only 7:15 and that is not a respectable time to go to bed because i'll only wake up with nothing to do in like 8 hours. gaaaah. also. i hate skype. i hate my fucking lameass internet connection in cascade. i hate having to ask what brandon said like 50 million fucking times while i'm talking to him. fucking annoying! thank god i'm not at home. wow am i glad i am not living at home this summer...i don't think i could handle that. i don't even want to think about what i would become of. terrible...just terrible. fucking a. i need to stop cursing or something. really immature. but sometimes i can't help it you know? so i'm sorry if it's annoying. i don't even think anybody reads this so i think i'm good. i wish i lived close to bridget. i really wish my parents didn't have to lie to her about something and make her and paul extremely relieved and then bail on it. really cool, mom and dad. really cool. i feel like a baby or something, whatever. i need to control my emotions better or something, god i thought i was doing really good with that. i was, i am getting better but this just crept up on me and now it sucks a lot. the thing is i can't even begin to explain or even put into words of why i am in this particular mood. it's too much for anybody and i don't want to bore them or sound like a baby so i'll just do my best here.

breathing

i feel like i am constantly striving to appear to be independent with my parents. quite frankly...i am sick of it. very sick of it. before mike and i flew to see my sister, my mom seriously told us to not make jokes about terrorists or bombs or anything. the annoying thing is that she was actually serious. give me a freaking break! are you kidding me? i think i know that those subjects would not be a good idea to joke about. didn't we learn that like i don't know...10 years ago or something? i have a bad memory but i can remember simple things like that. i know about life lessons and whatnot. very sick of the repetition from them. constantly reminding me stuff, i know-you told me that probably twice now. it's okay. dang...i'm realizing why i am the way i am. well i mean, why i get so paranoid. they like to build stuff up a lot, especially my mom. since i realized this i started to get less paranoid but i still am because...well, i've been really freaking paranoid for awhile now. example a- i hardly slept two summers ago for fear of a murderer breaking inside of my house and killing me. so every sound my house or anything made...my heartrate would skyrocket. i tried telling my parents that i wanted to get help. oh and guess what, they wouldn't do it. i think they were too proud or something. "no kid of ours is going to a psychologist" or something. fucking stupid. i wish my parents didn't scare me with life so much. talking to other people, especially siblings and such, makes me realize that there's no point to worrying and deliberating over things too much and my parents can be really freaking stupid when it comes to that. therefore, i am sorry if i get annoyed and or snap with anybody if they ask me too many questions or deliberate over hanging out or something too long. you are just pretty much reminding me of my parents and the years of them annoying me with that.

red is the rose

don't be afraid to talk to strangers. especially if you really need a pencil!(example, now)-holy crap, i just scored a pencil!

if beirut needs another member, they can phone me anytime at 563-495-xxxx (privacy purposes). any time. i play the horn. it's french.

peeing is annoying. why is there consequences for liking water so much? unjust, i say.

life's subtlest of surprises can excite me way too much sometimes, but i think it's better to be content with the monotony than to always be wanting something, always awaiting something, almost to the point where you're hardly living at all because you're so fixated on what's next. chill.

beautiful music makes me want to cry. it makes me want to go crazy and tell and show everybody, while walking downtown with my ipod, that what i just listened to was fucking amazing god dammit!

i hope i'm weird. the weird people in this world keep me entertained and make me laugh very hard. in that case, i hope i'm really weird.

yuck-orange skin. unless...are you auditioning to be an oompa loompa?


and with that. i tip my hat to you and say...happy saint patricks day.
i have a brother, patrick. and a dad, pat. anyways, so when my brother was little and use to go to a babysitters, the other children grew very jealous of him. he had an entire day dedicated to him, and it wasn't even his birthday! and so everybody got a day for their own. true story.
i'm going to recommend the movie, once. bravo bravo!
goodnight all

heavy eyelids

i am sitting in my bed. i think every single light is off in my house. coooool. i have my door closed, i really hope it doesn't get cold in here. i hate having the door open because when i was little and i use to have my door open for a crack, i would wake up and see ice/ghostly figures of my mom and every time i blinked she got closer..and closer..and closer. i saw other various figures too that were pretty freaking realistic. i hallucinated a lot when i was younger actually. not fun when you're that little.
i went to betty jane candies today in the mall. everytime i go there i just get 1 or 2 chocolates, all i really need is a little bit. anyhow..so the lady was all making a fuss over how i was getting dark chocolate and i guess it was sugar free and low sodium or something. making sure i knew what i was getting myself into. are you a diabetic?! no...i've had this before, i know what it is. can't i be healthy? geez i know like 60% of the population is overweight..i am not. as you can see? so this really bugged me because i did the same thing about 2 months ago. the same lady was all having a heart attack over me picking some really healthy chocolate. dang.
you know what i hate? on facebook-like 90% of wall posts are people telling somebody how much they miss her/him. oh my god cristin we need to hang out. what the fuck. i need to see your face. it's been so long. people really need to stop all this deliberating over hanging out and seeing eachother, it bugs me. don't make me feel like a bad person because i can't see you everytime you want me to. thanks.
ok ok. i have to volunteer for flood relief tomorrow. gotta get my ass up at 6 am. that's from office space. jaja. it's actually true though. i will be awaking at 6 am.
why are my hands always cold? i feel like i never have circulation in my hands. are my hands dying?

i was thinking.

i sort of think that i'm wasting my time right now. i really should have taken up another class or something. i need to make up for it or something this summer...i decided that i'm going to take two classes this summer. french and some science course that has a lab. yess. is it weird that i'm really really excited? it really doesn't bother me that i'll still be going to school over the summer. aha. okay okay. that is all. off to breakfast.

it is 11:40 pm.

im happy. yet bored at the same time. i seriously have like nothing to do these days...aka today until like saturday. blah. oh well...i shall move forward. like nothing is happening though. i need to make more unnecessary trips or something to pass the time haha. and it's hard to read lately because i'm just so anxious to go home and i'm too antsy. being antsy and having not much to do are bad combinations. so i drank like 5 bottles of water today. actually that's sort of normal for me nowadays...but it helps my antsyness sort of because i keep getting more water and i keep having to pee.
i am so into my stars and galaxies class right now. it's so interesting, i don't see how anybody could actually fall asleep during that. i'm just a nerd or something. but we learned about blackholes today and...actually i should probably look that up more. it's really cool though. and oh-we are made of supernova. like a byproduct. sort of hard to grasp...AND-time goes by slower as we approach the speed of light. ok enough.
i wish my hair would grow faster or something.
you know what i need to stop doing? saying sorry for unnecessary things. i've cut back tremendously since...well the dawn of my existence..however, it bugs me when people say it to me for situations that don't need it. i guess it's sort of an impulse. but i figure that if i'm going to be annoyed about it enough, i should probably stop too.
end blog

so i sit

i am at the java house right now. my mom actually just called me...oh big anne. but i don't feel like i should talk on the phone in here..i don't want to disturb my fellow table dwellers you know? i accomplished a lot this weekend actually-go me! on friday night i stayed in and worked on some paper, which isn't even due til like the end of march. im going to pennsylvania and such though so i kind of want to do it while i can, and its easy. i'm feeling more prepared by the minute for my philosophy exam! it's awesome. i studied the other night and just wrote out a bunch of stuff on locke and descartes, sort of expecting questions you know? and then met with my ta and rapped about philosophy and human nature on thursday. and then today i wrote it all out again. i feel pretty good about this test. apparently my ta failed his first philosophy exam ever, so that actually gives me hope. lastnight i worked on some more paper and then i went out. okay...it was a very good party and all but then it just got way too crowded. i did meet somebody interesting though, which was a nice change from all the other shallow people that were there, besides the people that i liked. so later on in the evening, some guy actually has the tenacity to punch a whole in the wall. and on the other side of the apartment, somebody smashed the door handle into the wall so that there was an imprint of the door knob on the wall. two holes. just craziness! lame dude-brah im going to assume. that's why, as i have expressed before, marijuana is safer than alcohol. get ahold of yourself, violent drunks!
my feet are very cold, i need rainboots or something. should i get some? maybe. maybe my mom would like to buy me some, should i ask her first? just throw it into a conversation and see how she reacts. that would be nice. or else i should probably just buy some on my own.
river and the tributaries are amazing! i saw them at the imu on thursday night-for free. what the fuck? free?!! so good, everybody in that band had a voice. such characters too! good times all around. hopefully i see them again on thursday night, that would be good. thank you, sam wolter, you rule for continually telling me to go to their shows. i finally went to one this week. bravo!
it is march 8th. we jumped ahead one hour today. even though all the clocks have been changed for me, i still feel like i'm chasing time or something, its weird.
i had a weird dream lastnight.

rain rain

go away. (come again some other day). some day that i don't have to walk a lot would be nice. its okay though..i forgive you i guess. it's amazing how the nice days really put everybody in better spirits, though you don't really realize it until it's a rainy day. i should invest in some rainboots...
so when i was little i use to love rainy days...like i would prefer them any freaking day over a nice day. i was a shy kid...really shy. so, rainy days usually prevented things from happening in grade school, right? yes, so that's why i liked them. i was always scared and worried, and the rainy days were on my side. it was to the point where like i would seriously not like nice days most of the time. yeah i know, weird kid. that's me...

some random stuff i wrote while doing laundry

one of the best feelings is the first weekend you experience with the cd you just started listening to, or that artist you just discovered and wondered how you lived this far without them.

keeping in touch with my parents and viewing them more as friends is one of my most recent and surprising realities.

perception...fucking crazy.

it feels good saving money on a regular basis, it makes those suplurges every once in awhile so much rewarding. makes you appreciate materials and such..more.

having a big purse and bookbag might help eliminate waste-no bags!

it's fun to bring up stuff that i'm learning in really informal situations. it sucks when other people don't agree though.

i love dancing to mgmt. and in general. so relieving and energizing. puts a smile on my face. so, dance?

chinese men like to do mass amounts of laundry and don't even let that stop them from perfectly folding everything. this took like 45 minutes.

canadians can have surprisingly humorous answering machines. maybe i should make more canadian friends so they're answering machines can brighten my day.

peeing every 20 minutes is the inconvenient and annoying price i have to pay for drinking mass amounts of water.

look above you head before standing up. you never know when something is about to startle you, in the painful way.